Daria likes to pick wildflowers. Walk through the meadows. Lie on the grass. Swim in the lake near her home village outside Kyiv. In the evenings, she draws and listens to meditative music to sleep. During the occupation, she also painted, but less so, as every day, Russians and Buryats would come to the basement of their house where her family was hiding. They took her to the house of their neighbors – who had managed to flee before the horror began – and there they raped her. She was returning to her parents and didn’t say a word to them. – My dad would undoubtedly want to kill them. Stop them. But he wouldn’t do anything anyway. They would shoot our whole family if I spoke out – recounts Daria Zymenko, a Ukrainian painter and book illustrator.
Drawings: Daria Zymenko
Photographs: Oleksandra Zborovska
The Grotowski Institute apologizes for the “misunderstanding”
At the end of June, Dasza came to Wrocław. During the “Non-fiction Theatre” Festival at the Grotowski Institute, she was to talk about her experiences from the beginning of the Russian invasion of Ukraine in 2022. On the stage, actors artistically presented her story. After the performance, there was a shock. The organizers of the festival seated a Russian director next to Daria. The Ukrainian did not know the script. She didn’t know what would happen next. A discussion began. The conversation of guests with the audience was about forgiveness.
– I felt like I was raped again. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to answer all these questions. I didn’t want to explain why I couldn’t and didn’t feel the need to forgive the Russians. Maybe there are some good people among them. But is it up to me to judge? The war is still going on. I didn’t hear the words: “I apologize,” “We’re sorry,” or “We don’t agree with this war.” They wanted to force me to reconcile with the enemy who is at the same time killing people in my country, raping women, and not planning to stop – recalls Daria Zymenko. She wonders if anyone in Poland could imagine such a discussion during World War II. Could someone forgive the Nazis already in 1943?
The discussion ended. The Grotowski Institute prepared a recording of the conversation. Daria’s statements disappear from the publication. – I don’t know why they censored my words and left everything else. If I had known it would all look like this, I would never have shared my story here – admits the Ukrainian, among others, in an interview with Gazeta Wyborcza.
The Grotowski Institute has apologized to Daria Zymenko for the “misunderstanding.” They also added in a statement published on social media that they “noticed with great surprise and concern that the end of the discussion was not correctly broadcast on the Internet. It was a simple technical error independent of the organizers or the experienced and professional, specially engaged streaming crew (…) – we do not censor any statements. The discussion was organized live so that nothing would be cut from it” – we read.
Escape under Russian occupation
– It was the end of February 2022. Russian troops were heading towards Kyiv. My family and I decided to leave the city for my father’s home village. A few dozen kilometers from the capital, near Makariv. We didn’t know then from which direction the Russians would enter. Before we realized what was happening, rockets were flying over our heads, and later, the occupiers entered the village. There was no longer any opportunity to escape further because we knew that the Russians were shooting at civilian cars with people trying to leave. We were terrified. That fear cannot be described. A few days earlier, I was going to the theater, to the art gallery, drawing – Daria Zymenko begins the story.
We are sitting by the lake. Daria wanted to meet in a quiet place. She last visited the park a long time ago, and she loves nature. She is still trying to avoid people. After what happened near Makariv, she spent the following year in western Ukraine. Among forests and hills. Kyiv tires her a bit because it is very noisy, and she likes peace. Maybe that’s why the Russians felt comfortable in their yard. They liked to come there. They just sat. They tried to make some contact. They struck up conversations.
The whole family sat in the basement. She, her boyfriend, mom, dad, and aunt with her husband. Someone starts banging on the door. You hear Russian. They order them to go outside. At first, the soldiers are not aggressive, although their stomachs twist with fear. They have rifles slung over their shoulders. They are not aiming at them. They explain that they just check the houses and want to know who lives where. They say it won’t take long, that soon Putin will liberate Ukraine from the Kyiv regime. The family rebels. They find remnants of courage. – Who do you want to liberate us from? If you hadn’t come here, no rockets would be flying over our heads – they say to the Russian soldiers. Only later do they start thinking that they could have been killed for that.
The soldiers leave. A few days later, they came back. They want food, water, to talk. The family doesn’t have a clear idea of how to get rid of them. So they avoid the yard. They do their own thing. Military equipment is everywhere. There is no electricity, signal, Internet, or information about what is happening outside the village. The only thing sure is what you see with your own eyes. – We knew that the Russians had recently shot a father and son and a few other people. That this is not a joke and that we are in danger of death at almost any moment – Daria recalls.
Day by day, the Russians become more and more aggressive. They threaten the family with death. They wonder how to kill them. They play with people’s terror. They order them to choose how they will be shot. – Do you want against the wall? One by one? On your knees? In the basement? Or maybe we’ll line you all up, and one bullet will do the job? So as not to waste ammunition on you – laughs one of the Buryats, as they were the majority of soldiers in the village. – We can kill you in the yard if you don’t want the walls to get dirty with blood – Russian soldiers joke.
Daria Zymenko: “Body or death of the whole family“
They take everyone’s phones. They demand passwords. They claim that someone from this house called the Ukrainian army and gave away Russian positions. They threaten to shoot them. Assurances that there is no Internet or phone signal do not help. They say they will come back to kill them the next day. Daria, telling me about it today, starts to laugh nervously. – It’s a defensive reaction. We weren’t laughing then – explains the 33-year-old illustrator. – You hear such words and realize that it can happen right away. That they can just shoot my dad or my boyfriend standing next to me. It paralyzes you. It seems then that it is a nightmare, that it can’t be true. That it is not happening.
The Buryats shout. They order them to line up. The family starts begging the murderer to spare their lives. Shots are fired from the rifle. People open their eyes. They are still alive. The Russian shot at the roof. It is a warning. If there are any more doubts about them, it will end with the death of everyone. They drive away with their phones.
They come back the next day. One of the Buryat officers takes out the phones and asks about one specific one. – It’s mine – answers Daria, frightened. The soldier orders her to get into the car. He takes her for interrogation. Her father starts to panic. He tells the Russian that either his daughter answers all the questions here or he wants to go with them. The Buryat puts his hand on the rifle. It is clear how this argument can end.
He pulls a thick beanie over Dasza’s eyes. So she can’t see anything. They don’t drive far. To the neighbors’ house. They luckily left the village before everything started. They go inside. Time drags on the way up the stairs to the second floor. The Buryat sits Daria on the bed. – Undress – he orders shortly. The girl understands what is about to happen. Her voice is confident when she tells about it two years later, but she has to take a deep breath several times. She masks herself with a smile.
– I asked him if he would ask me anything. I told him I could explain everything if he found something on the phone that aroused his suspicions. He replied that my phone didn’t interest him at all. And then it started. “It” lasted for about two hours.
Various thoughts were running through her head then. Should she fight? Resist the violence and defend her dignity and her body? “It” will happen anyway. No matter what she does. So maybe it’s better to wait it out? Do not think. It will pass. When it’s all over, maybe… she will manage to return home and survive. – I felt like I had left my body. He was doing “it” to my body, and I was waiting next to it to end.
When “it” was over, the Russian asked if Daria would tell her father about it. He also wanted to know if her dad had a gun. I assured him I would not tell my parents what just happened.
– He drove me home. My dad was barely standing, and my mom was all green. They were all shaking. That was probably the worst moment when I saw the state my loved ones were in. And I didn’t tell anyone anything. I assured them that we just talked. There were no signs of beating or bruises on my body. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
The next day, the Russians came again. This time, he claimed that he needed Daria to help translate some documents from Ukrainian to Russian. The same “thing” happened. Car. Beanie. Neighbor’s house. Long stairs. Bed. Two hours later, home. Family saved.
Forgiveness?
A few more days passed. The villagers began receiving news that the Ukrainians had repelled the Russians. As soon as the Buryats left, Daria, her mom, dad, aunt, husband, and boyfriend fled far away. To the very border with Slovakia. No one then knew what the following day would bring. Thousands of people with similar stories wanted to be as far away as possible. As safe as possible.
– I only told my dad about “it” recently. I started speaking about my survival aloud and knew he would find out anyway. I preferred him to hear it from me. He is a man, a father. It’s very tough for him. I explained that I couldn’t reveal everything to him then because he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. They would have killed him and then done what they wanted anyway – says Daria Zymenko. – Just look at what happened in Irpin and Bucha. We were very fortunate.
The Buryat who hurt Dasza is alive. He survived the war and returned home. To his wife. When he was near Makariv, his wife was pregnant. Today they are raising a child together – determined Ukrainian investigative journalists, who even managed to call him. He denies doing “it” to Daria. He could be punished only if he left Russia.
It’s a warm day. A man is fishing nearby. On the other side, someone is walking a dog on a beach. Children jumped into the lake. Daria takes a deep breath. – I don’t feel great hatred. I worked with a psychologist for a long time. She claims that my calm is the result of suppressing anger when he raped me. And to this day, I haven’t released that anger. It stayed.
– Can “it” be forgiven? – I ask.
– It’s impossible. And not just him. But all Russians who support or do not protest against what is happening in Ukraine. For me, they are co-responsible. Is it my job to think about who among them is good and who is bad? When I see the massive evil they spread in my country? It’s not. I won’t think about it. They destroy entire cities, the lives of millions of people, they cripple us. How to forgive that? How? Maybe I should say: “I am sorry, Buryat, that you’ve raped me”? – answers the girl.
– And your dad, would he be able to forgive them?
– No.
– And your mom?
– No.
– And your friends?
– No.
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